A mindset of poverty-

I have determined that I have a mind-set of poverty. Not “Woe is me!” poverty. Monkish poverty. The poverty of a priest or supplicant. A philosophy of poverty, the opposite of a philosophy of wealth.

This philosophy has been mine a long time. I recall that my mother warned my wife (before we were married) that I had gotten by on very little for quite some time. It seems I have never required much.

There have been times I have studied philosophies of wealth and wealth builders. Not people of avarice, but people who respect wealth and the things wealth can bring. My motivation was generally wanting to provide well for my family.

Such study never came to much. I simply do not value property and acquisition the way such people do. I see the things I possess largely as tools for living, to be used and appreciated but not valuable as things in themselves. When a tool no longer serves the purpose for which it is intended, it is time to be rid of the thing. Dull and broken tools are simply an incumbrance, and life is better unencumbered.

For the sake of my family I have often put aside my monkish ways, and sought material things to meet their needs. Many of those needs require more than a minimum of possessions, and so we have acquired more than I feel the need to have. I often feel encumbered.

I do not mind. My family has provided me with a focus and an anchor. An anchor in the sense of that useful nautical element that prevents drifting at sea. Focus as opposed to unfocused rambling. I am inclined toward drifting through the world, observing and contemplating but not contributing to any great degree. A vagabond existential priest, a monk of the moment. The love of my family gives my life form and definition.

Family can also be an expression of faith. My drift brought me into the Christian faith, and working out that faith brought me to family and church. Within the limits of my nature I have tried to be faithful to family and church, and am content with how it all has worked out.

I am not always sure how my family feels. Perhaps they have longed for designer jeans, horse riding lessons and private schools. I don’t recall any mention of such things. I am not privy to their more secret longings. I have done my best, and they seem content.

Such thoughts are mine right now because I am working through my plans for my next career. Can my longing to drift a bit be somehow satisfied at this point in my life? My family is still with me, and has needs. Still, they are not so dependant upon me as once they were.

The tools of our modern era increase the temptation to pull up the anchor and drift. Electronic readers allow one to carry whole libraries in one hand. Computers and cell phones keep anyone as connected as they might want to be, and still free to see what is beyond the horizon. See, and report on it.

Can I get a tweet on that?

With such tools I could drift with few possessions, yet have great wealth of knowledge and information.

Now that’s what I call poverty!

Renewing My Mind and Faith-

In consequence of my misstep by which I broke my foot, I have had some time at home. I would love to claim that I have wisely used that time for all kinds of magnificent purposes, but I recognize that I have not. Oh, we did refine our home network, adding some more computers and a huge back up system. I did spend a lot of time with my grandchildren, playing and watching movies and hanging out. I did spend some time on the Internet, largely just poking around.

Nothing magnificent. Still, good stuff. I washed clothes and dishes. Supervised the removal of a branch from the yard that fell from a tree and interrupted our electrical power supply. Had all of the various cables put back up. The branch, by the way, was the size of many trees people have in their yard. The charming fir tree that stands in my yard has become more of a liability than I previously had thought.

Having the time, I followed some blogs more closely and took time to make more comments. That is how I got to playing a bit over at Pliny's place. I presented a few of my own thoughts, and since my view of the world is far different from that of Pliny and some of his followers, there was some word wrestling. It was fun, but there was more to that than just the exchange of ideas.

My ongoing recovery from depression required many tasks on my part. Over the course of my descent into depression I abandoned many things. Most were sacrifices to focus on care for my family, or at least I perceived them to be sacrifices. Burying myself in work to provide material necessities, I abandoned my mind. Over time it became weak and small, and I regretted the loss but continued on my path of fulfilling my obligations no matter what the cost.

To climb back up I had to renew some personal relationships, and begin exercising my mind and heart. Writing my novel was part of that. It is still unpublished, by the way, so don't look for it, yet. I have had to reduce my time working, and strive to renew myself.

In playing over at Pliny's place, I realized that I missed thinking. I have been down for a very long time, and I realize just how much I have lost and need to struggle to regain. Not everything is worth taking up again, so the overall experience has had the value of trimming and cleansing and purifying.

Over the past two years I have renewed my mind and heart, little by little, and now it is time to apply myself more diligently to what I do best. I ask questions, and find answers.

All of my life these have been both strength and weakness. I have a knack for finding the right question, and some skill in finding answers. My curiosity, however, is much larger than the span of my life will allow me to satisfy. Still, I must get on with being who I really am.

The family is grown, and I have provided adequately. I am not good at gathering wealth, due to an overall lack of interest in material things. Oh, I like to have things to use, but I have always viewed things as tools, desirable for what I could do with them. Possessing things has never been as important as access to the things I need, when I need them.

Though I must prepare for my retirement from law enforcement and get ready for a next career, more importantly I must renew myself. True renewal will rest in the hands of God, but I must participate and be active in the process.

I think that this will be an interesting journey, the rest of my life. Since here is where I am, it is here I shall begin.

Join me. I will be keeping notes.