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Sunday, March 29, 2009

Renewing My Mind and Faith-

In consequence of my misstep by which I broke my foot, I have had some time at home. I would love to claim that I have wisely used that time for all kinds of magnificent purposes, but I recognize that I have not. Oh, we did refine our home network, adding some more computers and a huge back up system. I did spend a lot of time with my grandchildren, playing and watching movies and hanging out. I did spend some time on the Internet, largely just poking around.

Nothing magnificent. Still, good stuff. I washed clothes and dishes. Supervised the removal of a branch from the yard that fell from a tree and interrupted our electrical power supply. Had all of the various cables put back up. The branch, by the way, was the size of many trees people have in their yard. The charming fir tree that stands in my yard has become more of a liability than I previously had thought.

Having the time, I followed some blogs more closely and took time to make more comments. That is how I got to playing a bit over at Pliny's place. I presented a few of my own thoughts, and since my view of the world is far different from that of Pliny and some of his followers, there was some word wrestling. It was fun, but there was more to that than just the exchange of ideas.

My ongoing recovery from depression required many tasks on my part. Over the course of my descent into depression I abandoned many things. Most were sacrifices to focus on care for my family, or at least I perceived them to be sacrifices. Burying myself in work to provide material necessities, I abandoned my mind. Over time it became weak and small, and I regretted the loss but continued on my path of fulfilling my obligations no matter what the cost.

To climb back up I had to renew some personal relationships, and begin exercising my mind and heart. Writing my novel was part of that. It is still unpublished, by the way, so don't look for it, yet. I have had to reduce my time working, and strive to renew myself.

In playing over at Pliny's place, I realized that I missed thinking. I have been down for a very long time, and I realize just how much I have lost and need to struggle to regain. Not everything is worth taking up again, so the overall experience has had the value of trimming and cleansing and purifying.

Over the past two years I have renewed my mind and heart, little by little, and now it is time to apply myself more diligently to what I do best. I ask questions, and find answers.

All of my life these have been both strength and weakness. I have a knack for finding the right question, and some skill in finding answers. My curiosity, however, is much larger than the span of my life will allow me to satisfy. Still, I must get on with being who I really am.

The family is grown, and I have provided adequately. I am not good at gathering wealth, due to an overall lack of interest in material things. Oh, I like to have things to use, but I have always viewed things as tools, desirable for what I could do with them. Possessing things has never been as important as access to the things I need, when I need them.

Though I must prepare for my retirement from law enforcement and get ready for a next career, more importantly I must renew myself. True renewal will rest in the hands of God, but I must participate and be active in the process.

I think that this will be an interesting journey, the rest of my life. Since here is where I am, it is here I shall begin.

Join me. I will be keeping notes.

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