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Thursday, September 11, 2008


I have long known that I harbor far too much bitterness in my heart. Until recently I felt justified in holding onto this bitterness. The offenses I felt bitter about were real, and ought not to be. My anger was justified.

Recently I have been examining that bitterness, not as a treasure but as a disease. I struggled through anger and depression beginning two years ago. I thought I had the anger licked, and I could hold the depression at bay. Still I held to my bitterness, because it was righteous.

Yesterday I looked at the term on the Internet. I confirmed my recent suspicions. The anger still lived because it was one with my bitterness.

Bitterness is like drinking poison so that someone else would die.

That observation summed it all up. In my righteous anger I have held onto bitterness over past offenses. I would sip at this brew of anger and poison myself.

What is the solution? I must forgive those who have offended me. Not because they have repented. They have not, and very likely will not. I must forgive them for my own sake. They shall remain the vile and offensive creatures they have proven to be. I must forgive them for their past offenses, and for their continuing offenses as they occur.

This is hard, because I know I am right. However, being right is not all there is to this equation. I need to reach past being right and seek to be well. Bitterness harms me, and administering the dose myself is ultimately foolish.

I shall not name names here. Oh, I am tempted to do so, and enumerate the many wrongs I have suffered. However, that is simply chewing on the poisonous past. No, I must take some time to forgive them in earnest, so that I may heal.

Yep. I wish it didn't seem so hard. I would love for this to be a simple one-step-and-feel-good process. I know it will not be. This is real, so it is going to hurt.

Reality is like that. I will try not to be bitter about it.

1 comment:

La, Storyteller/Storysinger said...

Well written and so very very true.
I hope, the process is not too painful.
I think that the more willing we are to let the hurt and the "wrong" we feel was done to us go, the easier and less painful it is.
But then that is the problem isn't it?
We are not usually all that willing to let it go and to not care about the right and the wrong of the situation.
It just goes around and around.
But at least you are thinking about it.
Good luck!
And again good blog!